just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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