she smelled like a LAN party
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
