he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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