The maid of honor just puked.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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