I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Be still, my beating vagina.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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