I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
