dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
