I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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