Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
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He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
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I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
His nipple licking is glorious
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