I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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