Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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