i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Someone stole a lamp last night.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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