her vagine was all disorganized.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
