Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
