...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You took a bar mat shot.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
