Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
