i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize