Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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