she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This baby is an asshole
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
