Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
