Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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