Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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