Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
