Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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