things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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