Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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