you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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