we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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