Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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