no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
