I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
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