Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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