Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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