I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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