Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
