If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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