Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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