I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Life is so much better after having sex.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
