either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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