Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
