next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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