We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
