Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
