i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
