Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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