she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
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I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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