as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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