Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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