I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
