I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
