He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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