Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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