ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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