everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
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Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
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By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
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