No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
