I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
