So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
