my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
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We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
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I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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