dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
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How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
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Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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