We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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