that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We don't watch enough power rangers
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
