My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
