i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
