There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
