Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
