...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
