How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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