**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
