I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
