A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
