I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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