fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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