I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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