I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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