are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
