I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
