So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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