Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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