Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
This baby is an asshole
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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