Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
