I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
