I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
