I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
