I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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