does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I need moral support for this bender
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
