She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
