theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
