I wanna bring you to show and tell
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
