yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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