Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
