put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Randomize
