So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
